As I was concluding the compilation of these stats from the past seven seasons, I thought to myself, this truly could be a 30 for 30 ESPN segment. Or, hell, it could be a 13-episode sitcom. Just watching GM Cory Adams sweat, swear, drink, get erect, lose all excitement, smile, laugh, cry, weep, etc. in a live-feed during MNF action. We have all talked about it, joked about it, knew it existed to some degree, but even I was shocked at the absurdity of the Monday Night Mayhem curse on the Morning Wood franchise. Once and for all, here it all is, written as it has occurred in fact and truth. Unfortunately for Pita’s sake, a) he requested this feature article (hope you’re having Turkey while reading, man), and b) the curse has touched every season thus far, so there’s no reason to believe there shouldn’t be a “To Be Continued…” at the end of the article.
Bennear (3), Formica (2), Corrigan (2), Harnish (2), Lovette (1), Stephenson (1), Harnish Patton (1), and DeMarco (1) have contributed to the 13 (coincidence unlucky number 13 is involved here? or that Pita probably unknowingly requested the article on the 13th of the month?) fateful losses to Adams over the past seven years. Below is a detailed summary of each of those 13 games. Again, Pita, if you don’t have your Turkey yet, please stop and fill your glass before reading on…
Game #1 – “The Least Worst Heartbreak”
Season 1, Week 4 – 8.1 Point Loss to Bennear
Score Prior to MNF – 65.38 – 65.00 Adams
MNF Matchup – Detroit Lions vs. Seattle Seahawks
MNF Players – Russell Wilson (Bennear) & Stephen Hauschka (Adams)
Final Score – 84.48 – 76.38 Bennear
Synopsis – Adams couldn’t have really expected to hold on to his narrow lead heading into MNF with his kicker facing Bennear’s QB1; however, Hauschka did put up a respectable 11 points, while Wilson scored a mediocre 19.48 resulting in margin of victory of less than 10 points. While this had to be the least painful of Adams’ Monday Night Heartbreaks, it can be established as the beginning of the curse.
Game #2 – “Carson Palmer Sucks”
Season 2, Week 6 – 2.14 Point Loss to Corrigan
Score Prior to MNF – 78.66 – 62.1 Corrigan
MNF Matchup – Arizona Cardinals vs. New York Jets
MNF Players – Carson Palmer (Adams)
Final Score – 78.66 – 76.52 Corrigan
Synopsis – Carson Palmer was projected to score 26.07 points and actually threw the ball 34 times in the game. His Cardinals also defeated the Jets handily 28-3, but he had a measly 213 yards passing on 23 completions, and only 1 TD ending with 14.42 points.
Game #3 – “Tyreek Hill Interception”
Season 3, Week 8 – 1.86 Point Loss to Bennear
Score Prior to MNF – 72.6 – 71.64 Adams
MNF Matchup – Kansas City Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos
MNF Players – Kansas City Defense (Bennear), Alex Smith (Adams), & Tyreek Hill (Adams)
Final Score – 91.64 – 89.78 Bennear
Synopsis – Tyreek Hill threw an interception. Yes, Tyreek Hill THREW AN INTERCEPTION, to go along with his 38 receiving yards. Alex Smith put up a garbage 15.38 while Kansas City’s Defense demolished for Bennear, scoring 20 points behind 3 interceptions, 2 fumble recoveries, and a TD. However, as long as Tyreek Hill, ya know, a WR, didn’t throw a pick….well, yeah, Adams would have won.
Game #4 – “Legion of Poo Defense”
Season 3, Week 11 – .8 Point Loss to Formica
Score Prior to MNF – 79.40 – 62.8 Formica
MNF Matchup – Atlanta Falcons vs. Seattle Seahawks
MNF Players – Jimmy Graham (Adams) & Seattle Defense (Adams)
Final Score – 79.40 – 78.60 Formica
Synopsis – Jimmy Graham did his part for Adams by scoring 13.80 points with 58 yards, a TD, and a 2PT conversion, but the Seahawks defense really shit the bed by only scoring 2 points in a 34-31 loss to the Falcons.
Game #5 – “Bernie from Behind”
Season 4, Week 1 – 3.8 Point Loss to Lovette
Score Prior to MNF – 110.14 – 43.54 Adams
MNF Matchups – New Yok Jets vs. Detroit Lions & Los Angeles Rams vs. Las Vegas Raiders
MNF Players – Los Angeles Defense (Lovette), Isaiah Crowell (Lovette), Brandin Cooks (Lovette), & Golden Tate (Lovette)
Final Score – 113.94 – 110.14 Lovette
Synopsis – All Adams could do is watch his 66.6 point disappear (anyone else think it’s not just coincidence Timmy came back from 666) while each of Lovette’s players involved exceeded their projections – LAR Def 19.00 (8.16), Crowell 22.20 (10.42), Cooks 11.80 (11.76), & Tate 17.40 (11.74).
Game #6 – “Not Stiff Enough for Stiv”
Season 4, Week 5 – 4.34 Loss to Stephenson
Score Prior to MNF – 117.32 – 83.28 Stephenson
MNF Matchup – Washington Football Team vs. New Orleans Saints
MNF Players – Michael Thomas (Adams) & Mark Ingram II (Adams)
Final Score – 117.32 – 112.98
Synopsis – Adams probably got a hard-on when Ingram nearly doubled his projection by scoring 20.30 points, but the meat was quickly deflated by Thomas’ 9.40, which fell way short of his 16.92 projection. In a game the Saints won 43-19, you would have thought Thomas would have had more than just 4 catches for 74 yards and 0 TDs.
Game #7 – “The MNM Bust”
Season 5, Week 4 – 1.3 Point Loss to Harnish
Score Prior to MNF – 103 – 97.3 Harnish
MNF Matchup – Cincinnati Bengals vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
MNF Players – JuJu Smith-Schuster (Adams), John Ross III (Adams), & Tyler Eifert (Harnish)
Final Score – 106.7 – 105.4 Harnish
Synopsis – The Steelers won 27-3, but clearly none of the three players involved had much to do with the result – JuJu’s 3 catches for 15 yards (3.00 points with 13.78 projected) and Ross’ 3 catches for 36 yards (5.10 points with 9.97 projected) left Adams busted even with Eifert’s poor stat line of 2 catches for 27 yards (3.70 points with 5.04 projected).
Game #8 – “Say His Name”
Season 6, Week 2 – 9.08 Point Loss to Formica
Score Prior to MNF – 135.18 – 121.76 Adams
MNF Matchup – New Orleans Saints vs. Las Vegas Raiders
MNF Players – Darren Waller (Formica)
Final Score – 144.06 – 135.18 Formica
Synopsis – 12 receptions, 105 yards, 1 TD…DARREN WALLER (22.5 points; projected 10.66)
Game #9 – “Tuesday Night Mayhem”
Season 6, Week 5 – .56 Point Loss to Bennear
Score Prior to MNF – 124.46 – 123.3 Bennear
MNF Matchup – Los Angeles Chargers vs. New Orleans Saints
Tuesday Night Matchup (COVID Reschedule) – Buffalo Bills vs. Tennessee Titans
MNF/TNF Players – Wil Lutz (Bennear, MNF) & Stefon Diggs (Adams, TNF)
Final Score – 139.46 – 138.9 Bennear
Synopsis – Wil “Suck My Nutz” Lutz brought the Monday mayhem with 15 stone cold points to extend Bennear’s lead, then a Tuesday night game couldn’t even break the curse for Adams as Diggs fell just short with 15.60 points. Son of a bitch couldn’t extend his dick half a yard further on one of his 10 receptions to give the man a Wednesday Morning Wood.
Game #10 – “Joe Fuckin’ Flacco”
Season 6, Week 9 – 9.42 Point Loss to Patton
Score Prior to MNF – 124.5 – 111.08 Patton
MNF Matchup – New England Patriots vs. New York Jets
MNF Players – New England Defense (Adams)
Final Score – 124.5 – 115.08 Patton
Synopsis – Heading into MNF, Adams was down 13.42, but his defense going against the lowly Jets with Joe Flacco as QB1, was projected to score 13.60. Flacco proceeded to go 18-25 for 262 yards, 3 TDs, and 1 INT. The Patriots did win the game 30-27 but only scored 4 points for Adams with that 1 INT and 1 sack.
Game #11 – “The #1 Villain”
Season 6, Week 11 – 1.92 Point Loss to Corrigan
Score Prior to MNF – 116.92 – 91.6 Adams
MNF Matchup – Los Angeles Rams vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
MNF Players – Tom Brady (Corrigan), Leonard Fournette (Corrigan), & Rob Gronkowski (Corrigan)
Final Score – 118.84 – 116.92 Corrigan
Synopsis – In the grand scheme of things, this one probably shouldn’t have even been this close since Brady, Fournette, and Gronk all fell way short of their projections, but they sucked enough to give Adams a small bit of hope to stay awake until the bitter end.
Game #12 – “Double Trouble”
Season 6, Week 13 – 1.38 Point Loss to DeMarco
Score Prior to MNF – 72.4 – 60.52 DeMarco
MNF Matchups – Buffalo Bills vs. San Francisco 49ers & Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Washington Football Team (COVID Reschedule)
MNF Players – Josh Allen (DeMarco), Stefon Diggs (Adams), Buffalo Defense (Adams), Diontae Johnson (Adams), and Eric Ebron (Adams)
Final Score – 109.5 – 108.12 DeMarco
Synopsis – With action in both MNF games, the curse delivered double the mayhem. Demo’s one player was projected to score 21.04 points. Adams’ four players were projected to score 41.48. If that held true, Adams would have won 102 – 93.44. Instead, Allen threw for 375 yards and 4 TDs (even lost a fumble to keep things interesting!) and put up 37.10 points. Adams’ four put up a respectable 47.6…close, but not cigar.
Game #13 – “The Curse Lives On”
Season 7, Week 4 – 4.96 Point Loss to Harnish
Score Prior to MNF – 99.82 – 50.5 Adams
MNF Matchup – Las Vegas Raiders vs. Los Angeles Chargers
MNF Players – Justin Herbert (Harnish), Austin Ekeler (Harnish) & Daniel Carlson (Adams)
Final Score – 105.78 – 100.82 Harnish
Synopsis – Herbert and Ekeler combine for 55.28, meanwhile, Adams’ kicker makes 2 PATs and misses a 50+ yard FG to give a whopping 1 point effort. The curse has already made its mark on Season 7.
So, if you counted right and paid close enough attention, all 13 games were decided by less than 10 points…10 of the 13 were decided by less than 5 points…and 6 were decided by less than 2 points.
Do you believe in curses?
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